Marriage... For Better or For Worse

Wow! It's been a while since I posted. I've been working on this post for a while, and I've had to update it a bit since it's been sitting around for awhile. The points are still good, and I feel strongly enough about the subject that I decided to go ahead and post it. Enjoy!

With the recent media focus on the problems in the marriage of Jon & Kate Gosselin (of "Jon & Kate Plus 8" fame), I've been thinking a lot about marriage. No one ever said marriage would be easy. The vows you take should be an indication that it isn't all roses... "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer." If getting married involves making a vow like that, don't you think the chances are high that there will be some "worse" and some "poorer" before "death do us part?" My first husband's mother told me before I married her son that love is not a feeling, it is a choice. At the time, I didn't think much of her comment. Now I know that she is a very wise woman, indeed. There are days that loving my husband is easy, and there are days that I must choose to love him. I'm sure he has more days that he has to choose to love me.


In eight and a half years of marriage, we've had our share of disagreements... I'm not exactly "easy" to live with. But I know that we've come through every disagreement a little bit stronger. I know that it's easier when we're both going to church regularly, and it's easier when we hang out together every chance we get. It's easier when we pray for each other daily and we look to God for guidance.


One thing that caught my eye in the media is that Jon and Kate have been quoted as saying that they will "come together" for their kids. I know that some people say you shouldn't stay in a marriage just because you want your kids to grow up with both parents in the home, but if you're willing to "come together" for your kids, why can't you be willing to "come together" and work things out? Why not sit down and discuss the reasons you got married in the first place. Walk down memory lane and re-live some of the early days when love was a warm, fuzzy feeling and not a choice.


Some marriages are under more stress than others, but I think it safe to say that all marriages face stress. My husband owns his own business, so there are times that his business is a stressor to our marriage. It seems that we can never get away from the ringing telephone and the mountains of paperwork. Fortunately, his business is seasonal, so there are about three months of "down time" during the year when we can live half-normal lives. The other nine months, most of our conversations revolve around his business. That can kill a marriage. But we try to keep an open line of communication and not get so bogged down in taking care of business that we neglect each other. And we protect our family time; we make sure we spend time together once a week, just hanging out.

It bugged me that millions of people were glued to their TV sets, waiting to see if Jon & Kate were going to announce their divorce on TV. It seems that a lot of people wanted Jon & Kate to divorce. Having lived through a divorce, and having seen its effects on my daughter, I prayed that Jon & Kate's big announcement was that they were quitting reality television. If their TV show is what changed them and made them drift apart, I say they should end it and go back to what they were doing before the show. So what if they have to give up a lot of money. Their marriage is worth far more than any material things or any amount of money.

If I find myself disappointed in the way my husband is acting (or not acting), I follow the advice of my best friend, Melissa... I look at myself and ask God to show me ways that I can be a better wife. And you know what happens? My positive behavior encourages positive behavior from my husband.

I say all of this to hopefully bring your attention to your own marriage, if you are married. Make sure that you really never go to bed angry. Apologize when you are wrong, and love when you've been disappointed. Remember that nobody is perfect, and with God, all things are possible!