Kudzu Watermelon

I promised to tell you about my dog who almost choked to death. Before I tell you about how he choked to death, I have to tell you a little bit about him.

Kudzu Watermelon came to live with us when I was in elementary school. (I have a terrible memory, so I can't remember how old I was or what season it was or any other specifics.) Anyway, Kudzu's mama was a cocker spaniel named Courtney, and his daddy was a black lab that lived down on the corner. My brother and I called him a Cockador. We figured if the Cockapoos and Labradoodles could get away with it, we could, too. Kudzu looked like a small black lab, and he had a white star on his chest.

Kudzu was supposed to be named Paco Joe, but he liked to play in the clover. Clover seemed like a sissy name for a boy, so we named him Kudzu, because that was definitely more masculine and wonderful sounding. (I know - I can't believe my parents let us name him that, either.)

We didn't have a fence in our backyard, so we got some wire and made a little pen up next to the house on the covered patio. Before long, the cats in the neighborhood got wind that there was dog food in our backyard and poor Kudzu never got to eat because the cats ate it all. So, we put a window screen over his little pen and fastened it down with bread ties. Because we're handy and resourceful like that.

Well, Kudzu cried a lot at night and the vet suggested that we put a radio near him. The vet said the human voices would comfort the little guy. So, we took an old radio that we had lying around and put it in the pen with Kudzu, because the outdoor outlet was in the pen.

One day Mama was sitting in the house and heard a noise.

Wump. Wump. Wump.

Mama wasn't sure what it was, so she began to investigate. Well, when she opened the sliding glass door, the noise got louder and she looked down and saw poor little Kudzu hanging BY HIS NECK from the radio cord, eyes bulging, tongue hanging out. He had gotten all twisted up in that cord and was just swinging back and forth, hitting the side of the house.

Wump. Wump. Wump.

Well, of course my Mama screamed, because that's what she always does when there's any kind of emergency. And my brother came running. They couldn't get the screen off the pen fast enough because they couldn't get the bread ties undone. Meanwhile, Kudzu was still swinging back and forth.

Wump. Wump. Wump.

Finally, they got the screen off and untangled little Kudzu from his noose. Mama took him inside and wrapped his little body in a towel and promptly called the vet. That conversation went something like this:

"Vet clinic."

"OHMIGOSH MY DOG HAS HUNG HIMSELF!!!"

"Let me get the vet."

"Ma'am? What has happened?"

"KUDZU HUNG HIMSELF!"

"I didn't know he was depressed."

(I promise that's what the vet said to Mama. My Mama doesn't lie.)

I don't even remember if Mama took the dog in to see the vet that day. I just know that he SURVIVED, doggone it. The little bugger survived.

To this day, I say that the hanging was the reason Kudzu was so mean. And that dog was mean, let me tell you. He loved every one of the four people that lived in his house, but that was it. I will never forget how much Kudzu despised my ex-husband. Eventually, they learned to live together, but I don't think Kudzu ever really liked him. I think he just put up with him for my sake, bless his heart.

Kudzu was a good dog, yes ma'am, he was.

Makes Me Sound Like Royalty

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Most Noble Lady Kristi the Undefeated of Frome Valley Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Get yours. It's fun!

I really am related to the Windsors, on my mother's side. Mama and Price Charles are 15th cousins, or something like that. So in real life, my title is Lady Kristi Cousin of Wales.

BlueWatch

A quick update on Blue...

Brad found a post that Blue hasn't managed to pull up out of the ground. However, he IS able to jerk and run and twist until he pulls the collar off his head. He fights the lead on the post just about the entire time he's on it. And if we get a tighter collar, I'm afraid he'll choke himself. And that isn't pleasant, I know - when I was a kid my dog choked. He didn't die because my Mama found him and saved him. I'll have to tell you that story another day.

Anyway, we think the hidden fence is working with Blue. (Now that I've actually typed those words, it will stop working because that's just my luck.)

Blue doesn't like the flags at all. He stays FAR away from them, even when we're not outside to watch him.

And that new collar? It gets him pretty good, and in two places - just behind his right ear and down around the underside of his neck. He actually jumps now, if he happens to get zapped. Quite amazing how a different collar can affect the mischievous little guy. He still chases birds, but not quite so far. He seems to be respecting his boundaries.

Pray that he'll continue to do well, for his sake. There has GOT to be more to life than being in a kennel in the garage.

Life With The Drama Queen

Our Leyden is a natural Drama Queen. Always has been. And I don't have a clue where she gets it from. She was Little Red Riding Hood in her first grade play, and this past summer she starred as "Ella" in a modern improv production of Cinderella. She's pretty good for an amateur. She knows how to project her voice, and she LOVES to act. Even in everyday life. Which brings us to the point of this post.

Last night Leyden and I went to the mattress store to order porcelain finials for Leyden's daybed, which is actually on loan from my cousin Emily. (When we were putting her bed together in the new house, I let one of the sides fall onto the wood floor and guess what? One of the porcelain finials hit the wood with a thwack, and it BUSTED. Imagine that! And I have to give the bed back to my aunt when Leyden is finished with it. So, we have to replace all the finials, because it would be impossible to match just ONE.) Anyway, when we moved, Brad and I ditched our old waterbed mattress and bought a memory foam mattress from the local mattress store. While we were finializing our purchase, I inquired about purchasing new porcelain finials for Leyden's bed. The owner told us that he would sell us four at his cost since we bought a mattress from him. So, almost two months later, I finally found time last night to go order the finials.

When we walked in, the owner was on the phone, so we started looking around. Leyden found a pretty white twin sleigh bed and sat down on it. I noticed that it had a memory foam mattress on it.

"OH, Mom! This bed is COMFORTABLE! I WANT this bed!"

"Uh, NO, you can't get that bed. It's a memory foam bed. Do you see how much it costs?"

"I can save my allowance until I have enough. How much is it?"

"Sixteen ninety-nine, as in sixteen HUNDRED and ninety-nine DOLLARS. "

"Mom! It'll take me 'til I'm 17!"

"Yep. Better get a new plan - like another bed."

"But MOM! This bed has my name written all over it!"

"No, that's your butt print from where you've been sitting on it. Remember - it's a memory foam bed."

"My back hurts. I need a new mattress. You said memory foam is the best for a bad back."

(Don't you just HATE IT when they take your words and throw them back at you?!)

"Yes dear, but I meant a bad back like Daddy's. I agree that you could use a new mattress, just not THAT one."

Leyden continued to talk about the mattress to no one in particular the entire time I was with the manager ordering the finials. I got finished with the order and went to pry her off the bed. As we were leaving, she was still in drama mode - "My back! It hurts so bad! I really need THAT mattress!" Of course, the manger heard her and said, "I may have a blemished mattress that she'll be happy with. She needs a twin, right?" I told him yes, and told him he could check and let me know when I pick up the finials next week.

We got in the car and started home.

"Mom, what's blumish?"

"You mean blemish? It means that there might be a little tear or a mark or something on it and they discount it because it isn't perfect."

"Oh, I don't want that one then. My mattress has to be PERFECT." (Sounds like a Princess, doesn't it?)

"It doesn't matter if you get a blemished mattress - no one ever SEES your mattress except me when I'm changing your sheets! IF you get a new mattress, it may or may not be a blemished one, and it DEFINITELY, MOST ASSUREDLY, will not be that $1700 mattress back there."

"But Mama, you have a memory foam mattress. Why can't I have one?"

"Because it took all my pursuading power to get your Daddy to buy me a memory foam mattress and mine didn't cost anywhere near THAT much. I don't have any pursuading power left to get you one, too, let alone a twin sized one that cost more than our king size mattress. I might be able to get a new mattress out of him, but DEFINITELY not $1700 worth of new mattress. I'm not even brave enough to THINK about asking him to buy you that mattress."

Leyden continued to moan about back pain for a while and suddenly make a horrible aaacckk-ing sound from the backseat. I asked her not to pretend to be sick in my car.

"I'm not sick Mama, I'm dying."

"That's fine, you can die in my car, but remember that you can only die once."

Of course, she died several times on the way home. But she's still not getting that mattress.

Read the Bible in 90 Days

Last week I started reading the Bible from the beginning. In fact, I joined a group hosted by Lori at http://pezmama.blogspot.com/ called The Bible in 90 Days. For the first four or five days, I read exactly what I supposed to read when I was supposed to read it. (Okay, I got a little ahead on a couple of nights.) Anyway, if you know me, you are probably very surprised that I found time to read anything for more than five minutes every night. Well, after a full week of The Bible in 90 Days, I have slacked off. (Translation: instead of reading 15 chapters a night, I read 5 to 10 chapters.) At first, I was mad at myself for failing. Then, I realized something - even if I only read 5 chapters a night, I am reading the Bible EVERY NIGHT. And God is happy. And I am happy. So, I have unofficially resigned from The Bible in 90 Days program. However, I will continue to read my Bible daily. I won't have a schedule, I won't have a Bible study course to study for, I will just read. And when I encounter a question or thought, I will jot it down. I have discovered that reading the Bible straight through is just like reading a novel, only better, because all the stories are true! And instead of reading some fiction story all by myself, I get to spend time with God. I've never done well with trying to study every day for a Bible study. Just sitting down to read the Bible isn't hard for me at all. So, here's to reading the Bible through in whatever time frame it takes!

Light Show

We didn't have anything better to do Saturday night, so we called the Sheriff's office and reported a gas leak at our house. Tens of volunteer firemen showed up on no less than three trucks with lights flashing and sirens wailing, and four Sheriff's deputies appeared in two cars. Seriously, we had a small gas leak at our house, and according to the Sheriff's office, that's the protocol for such a situation. Mercy, I never knew one little phone call could start such a party. My brother is a humane officer, and since he was on duty at the time, he decided to ride over and check things out. I told Brad that when the neighbors saw the humane truck sitting in our yard, along with all the firemen, that they'd probably think that Blue had ripped the fence system right out of the house and caused a fire. Brad said they probably would be thinking more along the lines of, "Kristi must be cooking." Ha ha. Two of our neighbors came over to check on us and we assured them that Blue is just fine, tucked away safely in his kennel, and no, I wasn't cooking. Well, Leyden got to ride the fire truck and gained a thorough understanding of what all the equipment does. After all, the firemen and Sheriff's deputies couldn't leave until the gas company arrived. The gas company is located 45 minutes away from our house, and the service guy had to go from home to the company office to get a truck and then come to our house, so we had about a two hour party in our front yard. Did you know that firemen can't turn off the trucks OR the lights until they leave the scene? YEP. And at about 11:30 Saturday night, when they finally left, I think our neighbors were probably wondering whether or not we'll turn out to be good QUIET neighbors after all.

It Ain't Workin'

Well, Blue has crossed the fence, challenged the boundary, escaped - whatever you want to call it - at least once a day - every day - since my last post. So, yesterday Tim from DogWatch came and put a different collar on Blue and said he has to be re-trained. Blue is officially on restriction again; he has to stay on the leash for awhile. Tim suggested that we get one of those posts that go in the ground with a long lead attached to it and put it near the fenceline so Blue can "re-train" while being outside. When Brad told me that, I laughed out loud. I said, "Brad, did you remind Tim that this dog pulled several feet of PVC pipe out of the ground WHEN HE WAS A PUPPY?" We haven't gotten the post with a lead on it yet, but when we do, I'll let you know how long it takes Blue to pull it up out of the ground and run around the neighborhood with it dragging behind him.

DogWatch

Our new house sits on 5 open acres with not one fence to keep our precious devil in the yard. After obtaining price quotes on conventional fencing, we checked into hidden fence systems. DogWatch was the only company in town that would answer the phone, so we got a quote from them. Did you know that we were able to fence the entire 5 acres for less than half the cost of fencing just a small portion (and by small I mean an acre or less) of our property with conventional fencing? I did some online research into hidden fence systems, and decided that I like DogWatch the best. They use an FM frequency instead of AM, so it is more reliable. They also offer a collar with a 2-year battery, and you don't have to buy batteries from them if you don't want to. So, DogWatch got the job.

I had my doubts that this hidden fence would keep Blue in our yard, but Tim (our DogWatch rep) assured me that if it doesn't work, we'll get our money back. Tim said that training is the key to keeping a dog in a hidden fence. Blue's not much for mystery; he likes you to be straight up with him, so I was skeptical that he would mesh well with something he couldn't see. But we were optimistic, because Blue has learned so much about acceptable behavior lately. And walking Blue several times a day on a leash is really not our idea of fun, you see. I think he's about as leash-trained as a heeler can be. He tends to pull you all over the place when he's got his nose glued to the ground following a scent or when he's really gotta go and has to find that certain spot RIGHT NOW. And he walks behind you to go from your left side to your right side and back because that's what heelers do. And he puts his body horizontally in front of you so you can't walk when you say, "Kennel!" and he's not quite ready to go in. But I really think he does well on a leash, all things considered.

So, Tim came one day and put up the fence. There are a bazillion little tiny white flags around the perimeter of our property marking the hidden fence. There are also a several dozen flags around the front of the house and the septic tank to keep Blue out of these areas just in case he get a case of the Destroyer Virus. Tim trained Blue with me so I would know how to train Blue to use this system. The first stage of training involves having Blue on a leash at all times. He can't be allowed to run free at any time during this phase of training. If Blue gets too close to the tiny white flags, his collar makes a high pitched sound. If he continues to "challenge" the boundary, he gets a "mild correction" from his collar, a totally humane "mild correction" that we can adjust. So, at first Blue would glady bound over to the little white flags and let his collar correct him. We would pull his leash to teach him how to turn away from the fence. Slowly, at the direction of our DogWatch rep, we turned up the juice. Now, after much training and only a few "mild corrections," Blue's not so agreeable to being near the evil white flaggy thingys that border our yard, even when we go outside the boundary and call him. The neighbor's very brave little rat terrior came over one day while Leyden and I were walking Blue around. We didn't see the little dog, but Blue did. He began to drag Leyden across the yard at mach speed, so I told her to let go of the leash before he pulled her down into the wet grass. Then I saw the little dog in our yard. And I screamed at Blue to stop. Blue leapt onto that little dog, and round and round they went. I promise it looked just like in the cartoons when two furry creatures are fighting - fur was going in circles, first blue, then white, then blue, then white. Leyden started screaming, which Brad heard from inside the house. I was chasing the fur ball all over the yard, yelling for Blue to stop. Finally, Brad came outside and whistled at Blue. When Blue looked back to see who was whistling at him, the little dog saw his chance and made a run for home. Blue saw him and gave chase for just a second, until he saw the evil white flaggy thingys waving at him. He came to a skidding halt as the little dog boogied on home. So, I was pretty confident that Blue was becoming keenly aware of his boundaries and making permanent enemies with the white flags.

The next day Tim told us to go to the next phase of training, where we can let Blue off the leash as long as we are outside to supervise him. So, Brad let Blue out for his first jaunt without a leash in two months. He was very well behaved, staying within the boundaries, sniffing and running and generally just being a good dog for over an hour. Then, he saw a bird. You must understand that for about three years, all Blue had for entertainment was bird hunting. And he is very good at it. It's his all-time favorite activity. And did I mention that this was the first time he'd been out without a leash in two months? So, you know where this is going - he was looking UP at the bird, not DOWN at the evil white flaggy thingys, so he crossed the boundary. DogWatch is a very humane system, so after 15 seconds of "mild correction," the collar stops correcting. Well, Brad said he didn't think Blue even notice that he was being corrected, because he kept chasing that bird full throttle. Not a yelp, not a jerk of his body. Finally, Blue stopped and heard Brad yelling for him, so he turned to come home. Brad tried to drag him back into the yard, but of course, the collar was sending Blue a "mild correction" and now that he was actually paying attention, he wasn't about to make the evil white flaggy thingys any angrier. So Brad took the collar off and brought him back home. Brad put the collar back on, and Blue went back in his kennel. I am happy to report that Blue hasn't broken through the fence since the bird hunting incident. He has chased other birds, but tends to look down and notice where he is so as not to anger the evil white flaggy thingys. So far, so good. But in the back of my mind I keep replaying something that Tim said to me: "Blue is a smart dog. Don't let him trick you into believing that he is trained when he really isn't." That statement is the stuff of nightmares, I tell you. I'll keep you posted on Blue's progess and let you know when he has completed training. I'm sure you're waiting on the edge of your seat.

Blucifer

This is a picture of Blue, our beloved blue heeler, in his kennel ready to move. I'll post a better picture later, one in which you can actually see him. Blue has come a long way in his short life. In order for you to completely understand that statement, you must have a little background info:

At the old house Blue had an area of about an acre that was all his. Nothing valuable or meaningful was allowed in this area. Blue ended up in that area of his own because of his terribly destructive behavior.

When Blue was less than a year old, he ripped a spigot off a pipe in the backyard by pulling on the hose attachd to the spigot until the whole spigot came off. Oh, and when the water started coming out of the top of the broken pipe? Blue decided to pull that pipe up out of the ground, too. So, we woke up that morning and we didn't have water in the house because it was all running out into our pasture. Yeah, so I couldn't even brush my teeth. Brad and our neighbor, Joe, dug about three feet into the ground before they even found pipe. And how did Blue live through that experience? Don't ask me. I'm still not sure why he's alive after that.

Fast forward a little. We moved to our most recent "old house" when Blue was right around a year old. The backyard was fenced, so we thought it would be a grand idea for Blue to be in the fenced backyard instead of in a smaller pen somewhere. DUH. Yes, we're stupid.

Very. VERY. Stupid.

Not long after we moved, our darling doggie decided to remove the outside air conditioning unit from its concrete pad. So, he turned it over on its side. And all those wires that were attached to the unit? He pulled them from the house. ALL OF THEM. This time, we were wiser. We took him straight to the humane shelter. We handed him over with all the proper praise - "Oh, he's a GREAT dog! He just needs some cows to herd." Well, as we were looking for his replacement, Blue proceeded to snap at the shelter employees that were trying to give him his shots. So, being the wonderful people that they are, they came to us and said, "Blue snapped at us, so we will have to euthanize him. We will, however, give you the option to take him back." I was already crying about leaving him (WHY?!?!?!) so we decided to take him home. Well, not exactly home. We left the shelter and took him to the vet. We had him neutered.

And when he got home from that demeaning experience, he went into his new pen - a completely fenced off area that included the remains of a burned down barn, and Blue's cute little doghouse. The doghouse that he refused to sleep in. In fact, Blue's favorite thing to do with a doghouse is to pull it apart and turn over the top and bottom so that they can catch plenty of rainwater. He prefers rainwater over tapwater, you see, and this is the best way to catch enough rainwater for an active heeler. Blue filled his days with chasing whatever came in his pen. We found opossums, raccoons and birds in his pen all the time. One time he climbed out of his pen to wrestle an armadillo. Blue won. We weren't surprised. Whatever job he does, he does it well. (Just so you know, he woke us up at 3:00 AM, after he killed the armadillo, so we could put him back in his pen. Guess he can only climb the fence in one direction.)

So, I say all of that to help you understand that the wild animal that lived in a fenced off area in my backyard is now a quite charming dog. He goes to the kennel when we tell him to. And he SLEEPS IN IT. Of course, his kennel is in the garage and he wouldn't catch rainwater even if he turned it upside down. And given his past behavior, we are a little leary of releasing him in the garage to have a field day with all our stuff. He is as leash-trained as a heeler can be. He sits, he lets us pet him. He even plays keep away with his bone. Without biting us. In fact, the only person he has ever tried to bite (besides the humane shelter people) was the vet we used to use. We recently switched vets, and Blue does very well. The new vet gives us these pills that make Blue a little drunk, so he doesn't care as much about people messing with him. (And it's really very funny when the meds really kick in - he staggers and sways and gets REALLY sleepy.) He gets along fine with the male vet, but I think he prefers the female vet. They get along quite well, I must say. Especially since the old vet wouldn't even check Blue's ears while he was muzzled for fear of having his arm bitten off. I look back now and wonder if Blue smelled the fear coming from that vet and said to himself, "Let's see how far we can go with this!" That's just the type thing Blue would do, you see.

We don't call him Blucifer for nothing.

We're Home!

As usual, it has taken me awhile to get back to you. I'm going to get better at this, I promise, because we are getting HIGH! SPEED! INTERNET! At my house. Didn't think it could happen, did you? Well, I didn't either, because I was beginning to think that high speed internet didn't really exist, that it was just some horrible lie that someone made up to antagonize people like me who lived on the other end of the earth. Since we FINALLY moved at Thanksgiving, we actually live within 15 minutes of the city, so we have access to natural gas AND cable. (GASP!) In fact, we are 15 minutes from everything, and my husband finally said to me about a week after we moved, "I don't want to hear you say 'Now we're close to...' anymore!" You can tell God was in control of this move, because we are in a middle ground, about 15 minutes from everywhere that we go during the week - church, school, and town. With gas prices these days, I praise Him every day for helping me get my new house!

I won't bore you with the wonderful details of moving, other than to say that we had quite a crew helping us: Brad's father, Brad's older brother and his two kids, Brad's baby brother, two of Brad's best friends, Leyden, and my mama. I acutally got rid of a large amount of JUNK before we moved. Brad and I sold just about every large piece of furniture we owned. After all, the house we bought is a little over 1800 square feet and we had some major downsizing to do. All we had left were the beds and a few chests of drawers, a small upholstered chair, several outdoor rocking chairs and an end table or three. Of course, I kept my washer and dryer and my deep freeze. So, most of our stuff was boxes that we packed prior to the moving day. (Because I tried to be the best little mover.)

After we moved in to the new Kountry home, we began having some problems. Our phone service wasn't transferred correctly. Our provider put our service on top of the existing service at our new house, so nothing worked. It took two weeks and lots of phone calls to people in several different states to get that straightened out. Starting right after we moved in, every other day when someone drained a tub full of water, water would bubble up into the toilets and continue to bubble up out of the toilets and all over the floors and the nice, new, white rugs. It was clean water, but LOTS of water nonetheless. Let me just say that this wasn't the most pleasant time to live with me. Brad is a saint, he really is. Just ask my mama and daddy and my brother what a saint Brad is - they'll tell you. (My brother warned the man not to marry me and he did it anyway - must be love.) And poor Leyden believed us when we threatened to call the realtor to put the new house on the market, which sent her crashing into "we CAN'T move again" mode. Turned out The Problem was caused by a gi-normous hole in the main sewer pipe going from the house to the septic tank. And this wasn't just a hole, ladies and gentlemen, it was a hole filled with roots at least three inches thick and lots of rocks. I saw it with my own eyes on this handy little video screen when they put a camera down the pipe. After about six weeks of dealing with water in the bathroom floor every other day, and going outside in the wet, mucky grass to flush the lines, our saving grace came in the form of a man named Rodney. Rodney talked to the previous owner, who agreed to pay for the repair of The Problem, and then he came and dug up the busted pipe and replaced it. Of course, it wouldn't be my life if Rodney hadn't broken the water main while digging up the damaged pipe and caused the Almighty Mud Puddle to form in my side yard. But, The Problem is fixed - who cares about the mud! Come Spring, I'll throw some grass seed out there and see what crops up.

Christmas and the New Year came trucking right along regardless of The Problem. And boy were they good! Last year's Christmas was a little thin, what with it being Brad's first year of full time pool business. However, God blessed us throughout the year and we were able to have a nice Christmas. If you ever want something to go right in your life, just do what God says. I promise, it really IS that simple. Because you know, even with The Problem and other such bumpity-bumps in the road that we've encountered with this move, God has blessed us. I tried to keep that my focus through all the fun we encountered the first several weeks here. I kept telling myself (and Brad) that we may be experiencing some inconveniences, but we are all healthy and alive and have so much to be thankful for. I was telling MYSELF this repeatedly, trying to be a good girl and love the Lord and be grateful for all He's given me even though life was dumping a truckload of lemons in our front yard. It wasn't hard to keep my perspective straight when I was reading blogs about folks who were facing their first Christmas without their loved ones who died during the year, and about folks who are facing life-threatening health issues and could die at any moment. I tell you, I am blessed. Beyond mesaure. And I am grateful to my Jesus for those blessings.

Stay tuned... my next post will be about how my dog, Blue, is adjusting to the move.