Marriage... For Better or For Worse

Wow! It's been a while since I posted. I've been working on this post for a while, and I've had to update it a bit since it's been sitting around for awhile. The points are still good, and I feel strongly enough about the subject that I decided to go ahead and post it. Enjoy!

With the recent media focus on the problems in the marriage of Jon & Kate Gosselin (of "Jon & Kate Plus 8" fame), I've been thinking a lot about marriage. No one ever said marriage would be easy. The vows you take should be an indication that it isn't all roses... "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer." If getting married involves making a vow like that, don't you think the chances are high that there will be some "worse" and some "poorer" before "death do us part?" My first husband's mother told me before I married her son that love is not a feeling, it is a choice. At the time, I didn't think much of her comment. Now I know that she is a very wise woman, indeed. There are days that loving my husband is easy, and there are days that I must choose to love him. I'm sure he has more days that he has to choose to love me.


In eight and a half years of marriage, we've had our share of disagreements... I'm not exactly "easy" to live with. But I know that we've come through every disagreement a little bit stronger. I know that it's easier when we're both going to church regularly, and it's easier when we hang out together every chance we get. It's easier when we pray for each other daily and we look to God for guidance.


One thing that caught my eye in the media is that Jon and Kate have been quoted as saying that they will "come together" for their kids. I know that some people say you shouldn't stay in a marriage just because you want your kids to grow up with both parents in the home, but if you're willing to "come together" for your kids, why can't you be willing to "come together" and work things out? Why not sit down and discuss the reasons you got married in the first place. Walk down memory lane and re-live some of the early days when love was a warm, fuzzy feeling and not a choice.


Some marriages are under more stress than others, but I think it safe to say that all marriages face stress. My husband owns his own business, so there are times that his business is a stressor to our marriage. It seems that we can never get away from the ringing telephone and the mountains of paperwork. Fortunately, his business is seasonal, so there are about three months of "down time" during the year when we can live half-normal lives. The other nine months, most of our conversations revolve around his business. That can kill a marriage. But we try to keep an open line of communication and not get so bogged down in taking care of business that we neglect each other. And we protect our family time; we make sure we spend time together once a week, just hanging out.

It bugged me that millions of people were glued to their TV sets, waiting to see if Jon & Kate were going to announce their divorce on TV. It seems that a lot of people wanted Jon & Kate to divorce. Having lived through a divorce, and having seen its effects on my daughter, I prayed that Jon & Kate's big announcement was that they were quitting reality television. If their TV show is what changed them and made them drift apart, I say they should end it and go back to what they were doing before the show. So what if they have to give up a lot of money. Their marriage is worth far more than any material things or any amount of money.

If I find myself disappointed in the way my husband is acting (or not acting), I follow the advice of my best friend, Melissa... I look at myself and ask God to show me ways that I can be a better wife. And you know what happens? My positive behavior encourages positive behavior from my husband.

I say all of this to hopefully bring your attention to your own marriage, if you are married. Make sure that you really never go to bed angry. Apologize when you are wrong, and love when you've been disappointed. Remember that nobody is perfect, and with God, all things are possible!

Daily

There are many things we do daily... brush our hair, brush our teeth, take a shower, pray and read the Bible, eat, put on makeup, cook meals, clean up the kitchen. Daily often seems mundane and boring, lacking spontaneity.

This past weekend my friends' sister, Glenda, was diagnosed with necrotizing fascitis, which is a serious infection. This situation that my friends are going through with their sister has put daily in a new perspective for me... They are living day-to-day, praying for Glenda and hoping that she will fully recover from this deadly illness. Daily for them is hospital waiting rooms and updating friends and loved ones on Glenda's condition. Daily for them is constant prayer and concern for their sister.

It is amazing the difference in meaning of this one word! To some people, daily is just a word that represents boring, everyday tasks. To others, daily is a thread of hope to hold onto, one more day of life and breath.

I thank God for daily... for His daily faithfulness to His children, His daily mercy, and His daily love and peace.

A Poem By Juanita B. Hill

I found the following poem in my Grandaddy's diary. It is written in my Gran's handwriting, so I assume she wrote it and sent it to him.



Just sitting here in my room all alone,
Thinking of you and days gone by,
Listening to the radio's music in low tone,
While I gaze into space & wipe tears from my eyes.

It was only yesterday that we were together,
You & I sitting on top of the world,
Loving & laughing in all sorts of weather,
Not knowing what fate was about to unfurl.


Yes, war has taken you from me dear,
Not for always and for how long we can't say,
It isn't for us to know, but darling don't fear,
God knows best and He has a way.


And when, if you leave this country for lands afar,
I'll pray for you each hour, each day & night,
I love you sweetheart for what you are,
That flame will grow with each day & remain bright.


I don't claim to be a writer or a famous poet,
But these words simple as they may be,
Tells you what the chimes of my heart's beat.

Diary of Jeffa P. Hill, Jr. - March 16, 1944 - Part III

Continuing with Grandaddy's diary entry from March 16, 1944:


Late that nite we finally broke away and stayed at the Reick Hotel. Monday morning we drove out to Camp in Dad's car and I signed out and we bid farewell to our many friends. Tuesday morning amid goodbyes and tears we left for the great city of New York on Sept. 6th. We didn't have a Pulman but I went back and talked to the conductor and finally got an upper berth. We arrived in New York about noon on Sept. 7 and had lunch in a little restaurant a few blocks from the station. A short time later, news came out that Italy had surrendered and it was quite a sight.

We had a wonderful time in New York. We stayed at the Martinique Hotel for several days until found out that I would be working around New York. We got an apartment, kitchen, bedroom, and living room, at 17 West 65th Street, about half a block from Central Park and four blocks from Columbus Circle. We had quite a time setting up housekeeping. We couldn't find any silver war. But we had a wonderful time there. We went down to York, Pennsylvania for a week. We went back to New York and lived so terribly happy for many weeks. Never a quarrel and many priceless moments.

We had a good time in shopping for Christmas gifts for our families. Just a few days before Christmas Juanita bought a little Christmas tree for our table in the living room. She is such a dear, sweet girl. Then two days before Christmas I received orders to report to Camp Gordon Johnstone near Tallahassee, Florida. Our days of happiness together was over for awhile. But someday we will be together always. I got three days leave and we left New York on Dec. 26. Our two whole days at Gadsden were like an agony of time flying by.

Well, Diary from the time I arrived down here up until several weeks ago you are up on. When I quit writing in you nothing so terribly important has happened. We went up to Port St. Joseph for a week the first part of February. Then a couple weeks of POM and a trip to Mobile on the Aristides the first part of March. My darling came down there to try and see me but we left a day before she got there. After we got back from Mobile we were on shore at Camp for one nite and came back on board on Tuesday. We have been here in the bay all this week and doing nothing. Here it is Friday the 17th of March and I hope we will go ashore tomorrow. I got an answer to my letter from the Pastor in Tallahassee and he told me write the secy of hte Chamber of Commerce for a room. If Welroma and I go into town tomorrow nite I'm going to try and find a room for my darling. I sure hope it will turn out O.K. I want to see her so much. Well, diary, goodnite for tonite and I hope to do better by you in the future.



When Grandaddy wrote, "But someday we will be together always," he probably had no idea that he would be happily married to his "dear, sweet girl" for over 62 years. After my grandmother retired (at age 78), they had several years of being together all day, every day, and I am so glad that they are together now in heaven. Theirs is a sweet story that proves true love exists and I am grateful to Gran and Grandaddy for leaving a legacy of love for us! ~Kristi

The Best of Times

To me, this picture represents the best of times. Brad and I had just gotten married and had a new life before us, and my grandparents were there, along with other family members and special friends. I had no idea what I would encounter on the journey ahead, but I knew I could handle anything... I had God, my new husband, and my faithful prayer warrior Grandaddy on my side.

This picture reminds me of blessings. I've been blessed with a sweet husband who has been a wonderful father to my little girl. I've been blessed with grandparents who loved me dearly and prayed for me and left me a legacy of God's love and hope. Thinking of the blessings in this picture reminds me of other blessings in my life - my loving daughter, my parents, my friends, my Christian upbringing.

This picture also represents hope. After surviving a divorce and single parenthood, Brad gave me hope for having a loving, "whole" family. My grandparents were the epitome of a Christian marriage, and they gave me hope that I could find true love that lasts.

I like to look at this picture on the hard days. Days when when the world seems to be caving in on me and I just want to crawl back in bed, days when the sun just doesn't seem to want to shine, days when I think I can't face whatever life has put in front of me, days when loved ones disappoint me, days when the long road seems to never end. On those days, I look at this picture, and I see the best of times, the blessings, and the hope. And I tell myself that the difficult times are worth it. Because the hard times make the good times that much sweeter. And the best is yet to come!