Should Pre-Teens Be on Facebook?

Ah, a question of hot debate, even in my household. I have some pretty strong feelings about this subject. If you know me, you know that I don't mind telling you how I feel about something. So it is with this topic.

I believe that rules were made for a reason. God gave us the Ten Commandments along with other guidance in the Bible so that we could make good choices. I believe that God intends for us to follow those words of guidance for a reason. I believe that God also wants us to follow the laws and ordinances of our government.

I found the following paragraph on Facebook's website under "Terms":
"Registration and Account Security Facebook users provide their real names and information, and we need your help to keep it that way. Here are some commitments you make to us relating to registering and maintaining the security of your account:

1. You will not provide any false personal information on Facebook, or create an account for anyone other than yourself without permission.

2. You will not use your personal profile for your own commercial gain (such as selling your status update to an advertiser).

3. You will not use Facebook if you are under 13.

4. You will not use Facebook if you are a convicted sex offender.

5. You will keep your contact information accurate and up-to-date.

6. You will not share your password, let anyone else access your account, or do anything else that might jeopardize the security of your account.

7. You will not transfer your account to anyone without first getting our written permission.

8. If you select a username for your account we reserve the right to remove or reclaim it if we believe appropriate (such as when a trademark owner complains about a username that does not closely relate to a user's actual name). "

When I look at number 4, I shudder... if our pre-teens are using Facebook in violation of these Terms, how many sex offenders are doing the same thing? You think I'm overracting? I did a little research. Check out this article about the number of sex offenders that migrated to Facebook when they were kicked off of MySpace: http://techcrunch.com/2009/02/03/thousands-of-myspace-sex-offender-refugees-found-on-facebook/ and this later article are about Facebook's sex offender cleanup: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29289048/. If Facebook is running them off because of their sex offender status, reckon they'll come back under a pseudonym? Read this article about a sex offender who posed as a teenager and killed a 17-year-old girl: http://www.newser.com/story/72710/sex-offender-held-in-uk-facebook-murder.html and this article that tells how sex offenders groom their prey faster online than they would in the "real world": http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091209193906.htm. This article emphasizes why parents should be diligently supervising their children online: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-553348/Millions-girls-using-Facebook-Bebo-Myspace-risk-paedophiles-bullies.html.) Eye opening, huh?

There are a few issues with Facebook and pre-teens that disturb me. One is that even though parents forbid their children to use Facebook, some children are creating a page without their parents' knowledge. This creates a problem because there isn't a responsible adult monitoring the child's use of Facebook or their privacy settings. Another issue is that parents of children under 13 are allowing (and even assisting) their children to create Facebook profiles using a false birthdate, which clearly violates one of Facebook's rules. Another issue is that parents are like me - too busy to supervise their children's online activity daily - so they just don't supervise them, or they become "friends" with them on Facebook and obtain the child's password so they can check periodically to see what the children are doing.

First of all, if children are forbidden by their parents to use Facebook because they do not meet the minimum age requirement, and the kids get a page anyway without their parents' knowledge, shouldn't they be punished for deceit as well as breaking rules? Not just the rules of the parents, but also the rules of the website itself? This would be the case at my house, without question.

I believe that kids need to know that there are consequences for their actions. How will they learn if we don't teach them? And what are we teaching our children if we knowingly help them break the rules on Facebook by lying about their age? That it's okay to be deceitful when it suits us? If we really want something, it's okay to lie? Well, is it okay to give alcohol or tobacco to a minor? I believe most parents would say, "No." A rule is a rule, and it is in place for a reason.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard that "everyone else is doing it!" and "my friends' parents let them do it!" I don't care if every single parent at my daughter's school allows them to use Facebook, my daughter will not be allowed to use Facebook until she reaches the age of 13. I am strong-willed, so it is easy for me to stick to my guns, but I know it's hard to be firm as a parent when you know that your child is being "left out" because they aren't participating in this or that. Just remember that if all the other parents were letting their kids drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes, you probably wouldn't jump on the bandwagon. The dangers of Facebook are just as real as the dangers of underage drinking and smoking. There is probably a greater chance that nothing bad would ever happen to your child, but I don't like taking chances with my child's safety.


Kids younger than 13 don't typically have the maturity to be on a website that gives them the opportunity to share personal information. I know, I know, your son or daughter is the most mature 9-year-old you've ever met. But kids are curious by nature, and very naiive. They may explore Facebook and stumble onto something dangerous. A lot of kids will accept a friend request from anyone who asks, or send friend requests to all of their friends' friends, whether they know them or not. Who you may think is little Johnny or sweet Jane could be a sex offender posing as a child to gain access to information about children so they can do what they do... and God knows I really don't want to think about that. But God entrusted us with children not so we could seem "cool" to them or be their friends, but to look out for their best interests. This article has some good tips for parents with children on the internet: http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Keep-Children-Safe-Online-at-Facebook&id=3558136.


I know that parents can access their children's pages and you can befriend your child on Facebook and see everything they do, but if they're under 13, that means the parent is aware that the child is breaking the rules of Facebook. I don't want to be that parent.

I also know that there are a lot of parents who are too busy to check their children's pages often enough to actually know what is going on. There have been stories of racy pictures and too much personal information being shared, with privacy settings set in such a way that "friends of friends" can see it. The scary part of that is, many young people on Facebook really don't know their own "friends", much less the "friends" of their "friends".

Yes, I agree that there are worse things than Facebook for a child to get into. I also think that I should be a better example to my child as her parent. If my daughter sees me break the rules when it's convenient and follow the rules when I feel like it, what am I really teaching her?

I believe that God BLESSED me with a daughter, and it is my responsibility to guide and direct this gift from God to make the right decisions and lead a happy, productive life. I believe that I am failing my daughter if I overlook the fact that she has deceived me and created a Facebook profile without my knowledge. I believe that I am failing my daughter if I allow her or help her to create a Facebook profile under the age of 13. I pray that by expecting my daughter to be the exception and not the rule among her friends, that she will learn to stand for what is right and not be swayed to participate in what is wrong.

Should pre-teens be on Facebook? No. Is my pre-teen on Facebook? Absolutely not. Will I allow her to use Facebook when she is 13? Maybe. I think each parent should make that decision for themselves based on their situation. The internet is a dangerous place these days, and things aren't always as they seem. I believe that my job as a parent is to protect my child from harm while teaching her how to live.