The Valleys...

The valleys, they are deep.
The valleys, they are dark.
The valleys, they are long.

My God, He is with me.
My God, He is light.
My God, He is strong.

I can honestly say that I only remember a few valleys in life until now - my first marriage, my divorce, single parenthood, being laid off from work. And I can't compare the valleys. They are nothing alike, except for all of them being deep, dark, and long. But this valley seems to be deeper, darker, and longer. Maybe because I am tired. But God is faithful and has never, ever left me, even when I turned my back on Him. He has walked beside me, and oftentimes carried me, through every valley I have ever faced.

Three months ago, I would have never thought that I would be sitting here tonight, contemplating the fourth funeral in a little over two months. When Grandaddy died, it was a shock and truly a draining time. Emotionally, mentally, physically - I was exhausted. That's when I fell off the mountaintop and down into the valley. When Papa Clifford died, I was still in shock from Grandaddy's death and it really just washed over me and blended in with the grief I was already experiencing.

My favorite song became one of Casting Crowns' hits: "...I'll praise the God who gives, and the God who takes away... I will praise You in this storm."

Papa Clifford's death brought about significant changes in our everyday lives, challenges to be faced daily. Mom picked Leyden up from school everyday and was planning on keeping her for me this summer. With one last breath, all those plans changed. Since Papa Clifford took care of Mom's mother (who has Alzheimer's), an immediate caretaker was needed. Mom had been staying with Grand Brown while Papa Clifford was in the hospital, so she just started staying for longer periods of time. (Grand Brown lives two and a half hours away.) Leyden has a stressful, crazy, mixed-up schedule this summer due to the fact that I hadn't budgeted for summer child care expenses; I can only afford day care two days a week. She stays with friends of mine a couple of days a week, and she stays with Mom when she is home. I have to keep a calendar of where she is everyday just so I will know where to drop her off and where to pick her up. This is a trying time for her, because her familiar routine is gone.

The day that Papa Clifford died, Dad's mom (Gran) was admitted to the hospital. She stayed there until May 23rd. The valley got a little deeper. Gran was doing okay, but not great. She got to feeling bad two weeks ago, and my aunt and uncle took her to the ER the day before Charles died. They admitted her straight to CCU. She was put in a regular room about a week ago. They took her off some of her medication and she had some bad reactions. Gran's a fighter, but I know she's tired. I worry about her. I also worry about my uncle, who takes care of her. (Gran lives two and a half hours away, about 20 miles from Grand Brown.) It's hard being so far away from her when she is so sick. With Leyden's schedule (softball, cheerleading, piano) and my work, I can't be with her as much as I want to be. It's hard. I have to trust God to be with her and comfort her and give her peace.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Thy rod and they staff, they comfort me." from Psalm 23

I thought I'd had all I can take - the death of both of my grandfathers within one week, a sick grandmother, a grandmother with Alzheimer's, my Mom running up and down the road taking care of her mother, my Dad losing his father and his best friend within two and a half months. I thought the valley couldn't get any deeper.

Now, I'm in a deep crevice at the bottom of the valley... Papa is gone.

Don't get me wrong - it isn't completely dark in this valley... God is light. And He is here with me. But it's still a valley. One of my childhood Sunday School teachers, Miss Penny, was at Papa Charlie's funeral, and I told her that I don't know what God is trying to show me, but I want to hurry up and learn it. She said something so simple, yet I couldn't have come up with it on my own: "We need the valleys to appreciate the mountaintop experiences." AMEN. Can I get an AMEN?

I've been livin' on my mountaintop so long that I forgot what it was like to march along in these dark valleys. I guess it's about time I remembered. And to those of you who are in a valley, take heart - YOU ARE NOT ALONE. God's not afraid of the dark, and He certainly doesn't mind going with you down in a valley. He'll even carry you when times get the toughest. If you don't already know Him, just ask Him to come into your heart and dwell there forever. Put Him first in your life and let Him lead you. (Sounds crazy, I know, but trust me, He knows what He's doing.) Seek His Word in the Bible, and He'll speak to you if you just open your heart and be still in His presence.

Hang in there, valley travelers, and look to God for strength, peace, mercy, grace, and rest. He's got'em all. And He gives freely.



I will praise Him in the morning, as I face another day.
I will praise Him when I go to bed, though I don't understand His ways.
I will praise Him with grieving tears, mourning another soul passed away.
I will praise Him with all my heart; I will praise him come what may.